I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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