it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
