he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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