i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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