and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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