omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
