I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
