You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
