Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
