When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
