there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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