A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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