She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
