I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
