I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize