Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
