I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
