This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
