Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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