i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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