Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
