speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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