i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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