How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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