I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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