Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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