I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
