It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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