I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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