So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
