Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
