what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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