no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I didn't shave. On purpose
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
