Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So much rum. So many feels.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
