Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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