Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize