no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
