i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
