Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
