but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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