I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
