i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
