We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Randomize
