sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
