He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
