wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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