i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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