Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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