five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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