He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
