Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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