Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
