It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
