I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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