We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
