Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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