I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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