Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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