I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so that wasnt chicken after all
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
