i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize