I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
