they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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