bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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