Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
