i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
