Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize