If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
