I'm so fucking centered right now
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
