i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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