Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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