Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
