I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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