I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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