Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You pole danced in your parka.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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