She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
A+ Viking dick
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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