My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
