I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
