So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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