to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
