She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
