why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think my moral compass just broke
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
