This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
