One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
