She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
