Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
