I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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