soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
