Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
