so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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