ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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