I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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