so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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