All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
