college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
