im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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