Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize