are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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