I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
