We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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