I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
kristin has been a bad kristin
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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