I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I deserve this hangover.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
