I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I will pee on everything he values.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
