Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Drake has all the answers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
