they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
