Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
