Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize