I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
