You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize