So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
