I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
