A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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