I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
