An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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