I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
