I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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