Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
