hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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