You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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