i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My vagina just recognized that song.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
