I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
